Reunited!

When folks saw Yafa Napadensky ’81 and Bob Shannon ’81 at their 30-year cluster reunion in June last year, they couldn’t help noticing how happy — even luminous — the couple was. But none of their classmates could remember seeing them together during their student years. 

There’s a reason for that: Napadensky and Shannon were barely aware of each other as students and met almost as for the first time at their 20th reunion. They married two years later. 

A surprising number of Grinnell alumni have similar stories to share. Why? Are Grinnellians so  enduringly attractive to one another that they find each other even at midlife? If so, what exactly is the attraction? A shared history? Shared values? An intuitive, tribal identity?

Writer and educator Parker Palmer suggests true community requires a transcendent “third thing” that both holds members accountable to something beyond themselves and also holds them together. 

As we talked to the couples who tell their stories here, it became clear that they all experienced — whether in tandem, in parallel, or asynchronously — Grinnell College as that third thing. Their exceptional stories are ones of community, transcendence, and love. We hope you enjoy them. 

Yafa Napadensky ’81 & Bob Shannon ’81 

In brief:  

First met in 1979 during a five-day, winter-break caving trip with Grinnell Outdoor Recreation Program (GORP). Reunited in 2000 at their 20th reunion picnic. Married in August 2003. 

Live in Grand Marais, Minn., where Napadensky is a grant accountant and Shannon is an environmental radiochemist.

About each other:  

Napadensky:  “It was like meeting my best friend when I was almost 40. I was totally comfortable.” 

Shannon: “It was amazing. We shared so many common experiences and friends even though we were on parallel tracks.” 

Napadensky: “We’re planning on making it to our 50th wedding anniversary. He’ll be 94 and I’ll be 93.”

Shannon: “I’m not a big believer in supernatural forces, but you start wondering, was there a hand that kept us apart because we weren’t ready to be together? Did it have to happen 20 years down the road?”

The third thing:  

Both were mentored by GORP faculty adviser and geology lecturer Kathy McCluskey, who helped shape Shannon’s career as an environmental chemist. McCluskey was killed on a caving trip in 1987; Shannon and Napadensky were both still haunted by the loss of their mentor when they met in 2000. “I think Kathy was a real link between Yafa and me that weekend,” Shannon says. 

Bruce Koff ’75 & Mitchell Channon ’82 

In brief:  

Met in 1982 during the High Holidays at Or Chadash, a LGBT Jewish congregation in Chicago where Koff was a cantorial soloist. Began dating soon after. Married in Canada in 2003. Live in Chicago, where Koff is a psychotherapist and clinical social worker and Channon is an interior designer.

About each other:  

Koff: “It amuses us to think about what it might have been like if we’d been college sweethearts. When we’re on campus for reunions, we get to retroactively rewrite the scenes.”

Channon: “We realized we shared a sense of Jewish humor. We both came from very warm families who were very accepting. Our parents came to know each other well and were fond of one another. We’ve played a part in our nieces’ and nephews’ lives, too. In those days it wouldn’t have been unusual for gay men to move away from their families to have their lives. Our intention was to be part of their lives and have them be part of ours.” 

The third thing:  

Channon:  “We have friends who seem to collect Grinnell friends, not by intention, but sheer coincidence. They’ll meet people they’re immediately drawn to and will find out they went to Grinnell. We’ll say, ‘That figures.’” 

Koff: “The Grinnell experience is unique. Grinnell was a progressive safe place for both of us as gay men. It was a Utopian place — and because Grinnell was that way, we came to expect the world to be that way, too.” 

Channon:  “We strive to give our best and to bring creative and intellectual rigor to what we do. … There’s a Jewish term, ‘bashert,’ which means ‘fate.’ It’s fitting that we met at Simchat Torah, a holiday that celebrates the rerolling of the Torah scroll, a new beginning. Between that and our Grinnell connection, we feel we were meant to be.” 

Kirsten Finlayson ’92 & David Gerard ’90

In brief:  

Were casual friends as rugby players at Grinnell. Got reacquainted while she attended law school and he attended grad school at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Married in 2000; Corrie Zoll ’92 officiated. Thad Bartlett ’88, now an anthropologist at University of Texas-San Antonio, and Tom Berger ’91, who also studied anthropology in graduate school, created a wedding ceremony that celebrated the joining of the couple’s two “tribes,” or groups of friends. Have two school-age children. Live in Appleton, Wis., where Finlayson is a specialty claims attorney handling international litigation and Gerard is an economics professor at Lawrence University.

About each other:  

Finlayson: “David definitely has Grinnell qualities, including an adventurous intellect. Grinnell is a place where you read and think and write. He reads all the time and is curious about the deeper meanings of things. From his career as a liberal arts professor to the faculty reading group he’s established at Lawrence University, he’s modeling his life after what he experienced at Grinnell.”

Gerard: “Kirsten had carried on that strong feminist tradition from Grinnell, so I suggested that maybe she should propose to me. But she had trouble mustering up the gumption, so I got down on my knee and gave her a ring.”  

The third thing:  

Finlayson: “I intended to go to law school in Champaign, meet an international man of mystery, and live abroad, yet here was this hometown kid [from Champaign]. He’s very smart — that drew me right away — but I remember looking at him, shaking my head, and thinking, ‘Okay, it’s going to be David, isn’t it? So much for my plans. I’m going to end up dating this known quantity.’”

Gerard: “We understood where each other was coming from because of our shared background. We had a similar expectation about interacting with each other, and we knew each other’s social mores. In economic terms, there was a low cost in getting to know each other.”

Finlayson: “We knew of each other’s friends, and we both value our friendships. It was important to me that he totally loves and values my girlfriends.”

Gerard: “It’s a manifestation of having attended a residential liberal arts school. Grinnell students are branded, and it’s okay.” 

Elisabeth (Lis) Stieg Hooper ’95 & Craig Hooper ’93 

In brief:  

Overlapped two years while students at Grinnell but never met. While at Grinnell in 2009, Stieg Hooper to help plan her class reunion and Hooper on class-agent business, they realized they both lived “a bay apart” in California — he in Oakland and she in San Francisco. Had first date a week later. Hooper proposed during his class reunion under a tree outside Younker Hall, and the two married in 2012. Live in Mobile, Ala., where Stieg Hooper is a graphic designer and Hooper is a vice president of business development and external relations for a ship manufacturer.

About each other:  

Stieg Hooper:  “He’s funny and interesting.” 

Hooper: “She’s really intuitive. She has these incredible insights into human nature. The standard mantra about Grinnellians is that we’re socially engaged, but it seems less widely appreciated that the Grinnell experience helps people learn to build communities, whether on a large scale or just by linking a couple of people together. Lis does that.” 

Stieg Hooper:  “He has a lot of diverse interests, which is reflective of being a Grinnellian.” 

Hooper: “People tend to get married younger in the South, but there are also lots of divorces. People are shocked that this is our first marriage. Here, the expectation is that if you’re 40, you’ve been married awhile.”

Stieg Hooper: “We met each other at the right time.” 

The third thing:  

Hooper: “Our shared Grinnell experience helps us appreciate the unconventional pathway. When we got together, I was a bottom-feeding academic and getting paid commensurately. Lis took the risk to support me, and without her encouragement, I wouldn’t have gotten such an amazing career opportunity. … Other colleges almost seem to instill a sense of entitlement. At Grinnell, it was more like, ‘Let’s try this and see what happens.’ We both think that way.” 

Stieg Hooper: “We didn’t know each other while at Grinnell, but having the shared experience of attending there, we both understand it. And it’s nice that we don’t have to unwillingly drag each other back to the College.”

Ivy Chang ’01 & Jeremiah Garza ’98 

In brief:  

Began dating during Chang’s first year and Garza’s last year at Grinnell; married in 2007 when career and education trajectories allowed. Live in Los Angeles, where Chang is a social worker and Garza is a doctoral student in public health. 

About each other:  

Chang: “He was always very private on our residence hall floor. We’d try to collect people’s birthdays and he wouldn’t tell us. The more secretive he was, the more we wanted to know. I went out of my way to introduce myself to him. After I met him I came back to my roommate and said, ‘I just met this really hot guy.’”

Garza: “What blew me away about Ivy is that she would bring up aspects she appreciated about me that I considered my peccadilloes. She really made me feel more comfortable in my own skin.” 

Chang: “He was always organized. He was the only senior I knew on the 21-meal plan; he got up religiously every day for breakfast.” 

Garza: “She was so confident and nice. She wrote a column for the S&B; she could critique topics in a very Grinnellian way, connecting all the dots.”

Chang: “It’s probably true that opposites attract! Jeremiah and I have very different work styles. I’m last-minute but I do get things done; he would rather start well in advance. We do complement each other.” 

The third thing:  

Garza: “As part of our Grinnell legacy, when we look at inequalities and disparities in education or health, we are both quick to look beyond the obvious to influences of context, structure, and organization.

Chang: “We found our careers after Grinnell, but public health and social work are very Grinnell because of the concern for social welfare and the greater good. It’s nice that we fell into complementary careers; it gives us lots to talk about.”

Andrea Newman Sirls ’89 & Daniel Sirls ’90 

In brief:  

Both lived in Cowles Hall her first year. She was student athletic trainer for his football team, but they didn’t date. Kept in touch but did not see each other for years. Reunited in 2002 after Newman Sirls looked Sirls up when she was on a business trip. Married in 2003. They live in Denver, where Newman Sirls is a meeting and event planner and Sirls is a library page.

About each other:  

Sirls: “It was the kind of friendship where you fall in and out of touch. When it came back in, it was like picking up the same conversation.” 

Newman Sirls: “We talked about the crazy people we’d met [on match.com] and we agreed that we would critique each other’s ads for better results.” 

Sirls: “Not long after, I got an email from Andrea titled ‘Top 10 reasons I think we should go out.’  I thought, ‘That’s genius, why didn’t I think of this?’ So I sat down and started taking notes, thinking I would steal it for my ad. It’s embarrassing to admit I didn’t get right away that she was writing to me. But then I sent her back two emails. One was ‘Top 10 reasons I think you’re right’ and the other was ‘Top 10 reasons you better know what the hell you’re doing.’”

Newman Sirls: “We knew each other, and because we were in our mid-30s, we felt like we knew who we were and what we wanted. We could cut to the chase.”

The third thing:  

Newman Sirls: “He’s very Grinnell. He wants to think for himself. He doesn’t just read something; whether it’s liberal or conservative press, he does his own research. He’s very accepting of others: Live and let live; if you want to live in a tree house, go forth and prosper. That attracted me to him.” 

Sirls: “There’s a shorthand when you’re talking about something. You refer to someone you used to know in terms of geography: ‘They lived in Younker basement that year’ or ‘The guy from that place who always went to that thing.’”

Kay Jones Rencken ’62 & Bill Parsons ’62 

In brief:  

Overlapped as students at Grinnell but never knew each other. Met each other for the first time at their 50-year reunion last year. Parsons stood up during a sing-along and gazed into Rencken’s eyes while singing “Honey” — a song popular during their undergraduate days that signified a couple getting pinned. Have been seeing each other since. Rencken is a retired kindergarten teacher who also taught university-level early childhood education classes and lives in Tucson, Ariz.; Parsons is a retired professor of history and Russian studies at Eckerd College and lives in St. Petersburg, Fla.

About each other:  

Rencken: “I’d been in love before but I’d never fallen off the cliff before. That’s what happened with Bill. I fell quick and hard. It’s wonderful. I’m still glowing and giggling.”

Parsons: “My sister, Carolyn Parsons McCall ’60, graduated from Grinnell two years ahead of me. She and Kay knew each other; they lived in the same dorm and were fencing partners. Kay jokingly says she’s upset with my sister for not introducing us back then.”  

Rencken: “Bill was pretty shy and studious, so he could understand how I could miss him. What he doesn’t understand is how he missed me! But here we are. Whatever faith you put in kismet, or the gods, or whatever, it was there. If you believe in ‘meant to be,’ this was definitely meant to be.” 

The third thing:  

Parsons: “I’m not sure that either one of us was actually looking to establish a relationship. [Parson’s wife died in 2003; Kay’s husband in 2008.] But the fact that we had so many common interests and acquaintances and similar experiences, both at Grinnell and later, made this an interesting connection.” 

Rencken: “Bill is still questing on that white horse of social justice by helping international groups work together. I’m on the same quest in a different way; one of the classes I teach is about using play to help young children learn about social justice.”